What Hurts The Most
by sarahleighton
Summary: Angel and Cordy are together buffy is heart broken by what she let go Angel isnt a vampire and he is at high school with buffy based on real life buffy or what would happen in school and love for her buffy could be bitchy in this you have been warned
1. Watching Wishing

Angel isn't a vampire yet and there both in high school teen angst and torn relationships

**What hurts the most? **

Today had to be one of the roughest days I have faced yet. My whole world completely was torn away from me and I hadn't noticed it in till it was too late.

I walked from study hall with willow and Xander. They were both in a frenzy because one of the teachers had set them an asseiment and they were paired up, of course willow was in change and Xander followed. We walked to the library to see if Giles was there but he wasn't , willow thought this was a perfect opportunity to get some work done so she said she would meet up with me later and then both Xander and Willow went on their hunt for something or another.

I left the library and walked across the yard and under the arch ways. Today seem to be a normal day sun was shining it was a nice humid warmth and everything felt calm, I so pose now it was safe but later as always in Sunnydale everything would change and the once the calm sunny little town would turn in to a town of disspare and darkness in till of course I took over and put the undead vamps back to there eternal slumbers. I always did find that I good slaying before bed took all the cares of boys and school away not just a angry I couldn't realize.

I kept walking from each arch way and pillar that's when I saw them. Liam Angelus and Cordiella chase better known as Angel and Corzilla (ok maybe not so much Corzilla but to me she was.She made my blood boil and skin crawl) it's fair to say I hate her and have done scence I moved to Sunnydale. Usually I didn't or don't get jealous of girl or what they have but this girl was different seen as she had the only object of my affection I have ever truly been in love with in my entire life, and that was Angel. But of course neither she nor anyone else never new about my out of this world infatuation to him. I'm not the type of girl who allows her self to fall in love …bad things always happen when I do.

I watched from a far. They were holding each other and she was tight in his embrace. If only that was me I thought to myself I wondered what it would feel like back in his embrace would he still be warm and almost homely if only for a moment. I guess now I would never no... What I had before was long gone and never to be mine again. To angel and myself it was no secret that in the past we had something but him and myself sworn never to speak of it. You see when I first came to Sunnydale I was quite and low key trying to just live life like a normal teenager but of course as always a boy would have to come into the equation which would turn my life in even more turmoil. I guess I was just like any of the other girl in Sunnydale High when it came to Angel. He was everything that a girl would want and he knew it. It wasn't any surprise that when he wasn't with Cordy he was with any girl that was to throw herself at him. The only reason in all honesty they were together was because they looked good and most the time the affection they where to show each other was just for Cordy to let people acknowledge that he was hers and only hers. Bottom line was she didn't love him she just played him. Most of the girls took their chance but got shot down but not before him making them believe that they loved him which wasn't always his fault it was just what he was capable to do, although of course I would be lying if I was saying he didn't use it to his advantage. As you can properly guess I was soon to be one of these girls although this time it didn't play out like it usually does it was… I guess turned around. It wasn't something I intended on happening in fact even though I had feeling for him I would never allow them to surface in fact I would lie to myself when it came to him, I think that was the reason why he was the one to start the torment that followed me I didn't want to love him it just happened and I still wish to this day the feels would go.

Because now whenever I saw them together I was on the verge of crying or killing her.i turned around leaned against the pillar and tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't. For a good few minutes silent tears where running down my face. A few people saw but I didn't care I tried to hide them after a while but it didn't work. Eventually I pulled myself together. I left my pillar and went to walk to class and of course they would have to pass me. There was three girls I didn't recognize gigerling when they saw him and practically staring at his ass while he passed with Cordy.All she did was turn give them a look and pull him in to a kiss.


	2. History Class

My heart went back to feeling the pain as I walked slowly be hide them. I heard Cordy say that she would see him at the end of the day she had to get to class, he didn't seem that interested but just said ok I'll see you later, and of course the fly ness of cordy She just said

" of course you will , not like you could say no to this now could you"

and walked off. I watched him watch her, he showed no interest that she left and he just carried on to his class also.

I walked in a hurry to get to my tutors room most of the form was there just waiting. No one came after ten minutes and the bell rang so we went our separate ways and realized that it must not have been in important so we carried on as normal. Most of the form was on the bottom floor leaving me to walk the hall ways on my own to the top floor where my histories class a waited me with Mr. Philips. I walked down the narrow hallways past the French room saw that no teacher was in there and past the geography class and yet again no teacher. This was very odd seen as they never miss their classes or lectures which they are assigned to. I made a mental note that I must see Giles later make sure things are all erm… normal and not well… bad eggs or even band candy maybe possibly teacher's pet-ish if you catch my drift. I silently checked the other class room and had random pupils look at me as if I had at last lost it I mean after all I was skulking around abandoned class rooms. After I check and all was clear I realized I would have to go to class if I liked it or not. I took huge breath in and turned the corner and looked in to my history class and there just as always was Angel sitting be hide my seat.

I sat down and did everything in my power not to look at him but I couldn't resist it anymore I did that before and it didn't help he was like a addition to me. I pulled out my compact mirror and pretended I was fixing my hair when I got a perfect view of his angelic face. His face was framed in the metal heart shape mirror it was almost to perfect his mesmerizing chocolate brown eyes and matching hair was amazing as always and not a single hair was out of place. I snapped the mirror shut allowing my heart to take one flutter and somehow one single tear ran down my cheek. I quickly brushed it away worried if any one saw and also wondering way this time I was crying. Then suddenly I felt a slight tap on my shoulder.

It will get better I promise im just setting it up


	3. Head Or Heart ?

I turned around and the eyes I could see only in the mirror where now looking at me I didn't know what my reaction was but I it was properly something embarrassing .

'Yes?' I said trying to sound normal.

'Do you know whats going on with the teachers buffy?' he asked i felt my heart melt when he said my name.

'No I don't oddly enough' sigh

'Well at least we don't have to do the work I guess'

'Yeah sure' I laugh and turned away trying to act as if it wasn't a huge deal that we where talking.

One of the girls I think her name was charlotte gave me daggers because I was talking to him, I wasn't that bothered I was in the right mind to say go for it… but I didn't. The girl walked over to his seat began to talk.

'How are you Liam? You and cordiealla ok?' it was ov what she was trying to do

'Im good thanks your self?' he didn't answer the Cordy comment this could nether be good or bad from my experience.

'That's good im good to thanks' she said trying to twirl her hair

'Hey erm…charlotte how you and Dan these days?' I said thinking ok I did care

'Good thanks … oh I just remembered something' yeah I no what she remembered the little

'Thanks for that' I heard behide me

'No problem'I said with out turning around

'So hows you ? you with any one Buffy any one asked you to prom'

'Im good as can be I guess' I sighed 'no im not well not anymore …and I don't want to go to prom'

'What, why whats happened' he sounded concerned which was odd because up till this point nothing had happened that came later.

'I broke up with James and proms just a downer' truth was if I wasn't able to go with angel I didn't want to go altogether.

'I would have taken you' he said so quite that I almost didn't hear

'What?' I said acting as if I hadn't heard I just wanted him to say it that bit louder

'I said ill take you' his tone was clear but no one in the class reacted

I stutter a laugh and knew I couldn't except plus I didn't no if in all honesty he was telling the truth

'No it's ok really and after all your with Cordy and I no your joking'

'Yeah true but come on you want to don't you' I didnt turn to answer this but my inside where screaming yes but I just went.

'Your full of your self you know that angel?' a small laugh escaped and soon a smile came to my face

'Well I have confidents and if that makes me full of my self so be it' he laughed and smiled a perfect smile that only by chance when I looked back I got.

' I did mean it by the way'

'sure you did' I sighed and slid down in my chair reading a world war two book.

I grabed the mirror again looked and this time I saw him also head in his notes but face almost as if he was hurt then one of the lads called him and he started talking to them.

After a lesson of doing nothing the bell rang and like a stampede they all went out of the class room. Angel was packing his things away just as I did. I turned and looked at him all he said was today was interesting and that he liked my hair as it was which was properly referring to the fact I had played 

around with it all though the hour we where together. We both walked out of the class making idle chatter we came to the door he held it open for me and said ill see you later. Then he left

I didn't know if I was going to read in to this to much but after all he said in the class about prom and his confidents I started to re think everything I had said and wished I had gone with my heart in sted of my head.


	4. Hiding the Truth

After history my head wasn't thinking straight and all I could think of about was him and what could happen if I allowed it to happen and also what it could cause with Cordy. I walked straight to my science class. When I finally arrived I was greeted by a highly ticked off Mr Martin. It looked as though he wasn't caught out by whatever the other teachers where up to, that or he was one of the lucky ones. But never the less I took my seat. I ended up sitting next to Beth. She wasn't someone I knew really well but we got on and she was nice enough considering her past, I mean after all I couldn't not be somewhat friendly to her she sort of knew my history slaying and all. Long story short she is one of the many who I have saved in the past this time she was possessed and willow had to do an xasisim but it went wrong and we fought but eventually will pulled though and now Beths back to her old boy crazy self.

As always she started our conversation about the typical boys she would decide to like this week. Although today was a bit different for the first time ever angel came in to equation, and as you can guess that all I need wasn't it. She thought she would confide in me and tell me how crazy about him she was and that it was possible she loved him. All the time she kept saying all the things I knew from how amazing he was how he would do anything for anyone how he was a descent guy but likes to stay to himself except when it came to the girls the only thing she forgot was he wouldn't go for her and that he was intelligent and knew most things and was great at debating topics. See this is how crazy in lov….lovv..Grr … LOVE… I am with him.

I felt absolutely awful knowing that a friend was crazy over the same guy as me. But what made it worse was I allowed myself to try and help her get with him but only to try and hide the fact I have true feelings for him. She was more than happy when I agreed to help. She ran me though all the things I should say and how I should tell him but not let him know who I was talking about. It was quite annoying I couldn't see why she couldn't just say

'Liam/Angel I like you wanna go out some time?' and just be done with it and let it be quick because I knew that she would never get him ..She tried way too hard. I also knew I wouldn't ether. Quite frankly I couldn't be doing with the hassle. I had sorted stuff like this for her which I didn't mind before but of course this would be a different matter all together… she was after something I wanted. I didn't want to be a cow but she always got her own way or the guy she wants and I could see that the moment she had him she would like it for a while then get bored and cheat. It was the normal Beth thing to do. Beth would always try to be just like Cordy but never seem to get it quite right. Although she was a mate I could see it and I wish she wouldn't be that way. Because then it makes me look like the bad guy for doing what I was going to do in the future…..


	5. Beth!

Bell rang it was final lesson. I took my stuff said bye to Beth and rushed to get to study hall seen as I had a free lesson now.Xander and Willow weren't back yet and there was only a group of girls which soon left I pulled out my note book and sat at the first desk after the normal 'I cant do this' I finally got some work done for my English class it wasn't to big I had it done in ten minutes. I was just about to leave to find Will when Angel stormed in.

He slammed the door the room felt like it had been hit by an earthquake and his bags sounded like thunder when they hit the desk. I sat in shock holding on to dear life to my note book. In his range he turned around his eyes furious, I had never seen him like this before and was rather petrified by the new Angel I could see. He looked strait at me.'Oh erm' obviously he didn't realize that I was in the room when he had his out burst.

I was scared but not worried and not thinking came out with a stupid comment.

'Are you ok or is it best I don't ask?'

'don't ask' he snapped.

'fine' I sounded ticked to, but not as much as him. After all I didn't want to show that he hurt me by almost biting my head off. He muttered something under his breath. I didn't hear a lot only my name and by that he sounded really angry. _Bloody hell what have I done for fucks sake _I thought to my self.

I turned around just as clear as day said

'just fuck off ok' oh crap where did that come from I thought but never the less I was angry I had done nothing to him and he was in a foul mood and wasted afraid to bring me in to it.

'What have I done to you Buff?' again his tone full of hatred.

'You snapped at me and came in, in such a state which made me think you could kill me …. Oh also it didn't help you muttered something about me.

I turned around grabbed, my bag and headed for the door. A calming angel was leaning against the far wall now. I rushed to get to the door.

'Don't' I heard Angel say in his low brooding voice?

'Don't What?' I turned to look at him, I was confused now.

'Don't go'

He was much calmer and was looking at me as if my leaving would hurt him.

My heart skipped a beat, so many things ran around in my head. He walked over to a desk. Pulled out a chair and gestured to me to sit down.

'Its ok' he said properly thinking I was worried but truth was I was in shock.

'I'm sorry I had a go' he sounded sincerer

'Its fine honestly I wont ask' I said thinking that would be it, and in a minute I would be leaving and my head would be fighting with my imagination.

'I'm just so tired of everything you know?' everyone wants something of me' he palmed his face and looked at me.

I didn't say anything he was acting odd so I kept quite.

'even you im guessing' he tried to grab my hand.

'what?' does he know or was he going on his in stink.

'So im wrong am i? Beth was lying?' he had a cheeky glint in his eye and looked at my hand which couldn't move.

'BETH!' angry ranged in side me .

'so its right then? He looked rather gleeful.

'no more like she wants you!' I tore my hand away from his grasp….i wished I didn't but I knew that what any sane person would do.

'so she said it why?' I turned away and could feel his eyes burning my back.

'because she hasn't got the stones to tell you she wants you'

'so you don't?' he was determand I answered.

I couldn't say no I knew it would sound forced

'Leave it' I was so pissed now it was unbelievable.

'Touch a nerve have I Buff….shame it wasn't the right one' _was he really implying something ._

'Arnt you at all interested in what I said about Beth?' trying to get away from his little em..Comment.

'No rather have you' he said with playfulness.

'You are kidding' I said as he walked towards me.

'I don't it' he paused 'I know you like me why don't you just admit it' this was my chance but could I do it could I tell him ….

REVIEWS PEOPLE PLEASE :D


	6. Dream or Reality

'You have ,have you well I must then seen as you noticed'

I tried to sound sarcastic and angry but it was pretty clear that it was the truth I was speaking.

'I don't see what the big deal is why is it so bad saying yes?'

'I don't want to ok' I paused 'I cant cope with wanting…' I stopped and realized that I could of just gave my heart up.

'Wanting what?...me…or a us?' he sounded serious so I didn't say anything to the notion of him being all for him self. I sighed its gone to far now and I didn't have a clue how to save my self, this was going to hurt I knew it any moment now he would rip my heart out and make a fool of me.

'I have to go' I went to walk away but I was stopped. I felt a warm loving comfy begin to wrap around my body. I breathed in a held the moment close, if this was a joke I wanted to keep this moment before I broke. I was turned around my eyes met his. He gazed at me I could feel my whole body going num.I felt so safe in his embrace I never wanted it to end.

'Are you ok?' he asked his face was so close to mine, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips.

'I erm…' he stopped me and leaned in.

'If you don't stop me im going to kiss you' he whispered his voice was dreamy so much so I thought I was in a dream and any moment the school bell would ring and wake me from my slumber..

I took another deep breath all I could think was_ should I shouldn't I? Beth? Cordy?_.

Before I could think his handswhere cupping my face. His minty breath warmed my lips. His lips felt soft but the kiss was deep powerful . He traced his tongue across my bottom lip wanting entry. I parted he deepen the kiss even more held me that little more tightly but in a sweet romantic I need you way. The room felt like it was spinning my legs went weak but he held me close , once more my heart was racing I had been waiting for this for a long time.

'Wasn't bad was it' he whispered. Still not letting me go.

'Not at all' I stuttered. He placed one hand on my waist and another to my cheek looked Deeping to my eyes and kissed me with more passion then any other kiss I had, had before it was so UN real.i took the kiss he liked that I took charge, ran my fingers though his hair pulling him closer . He embraced me tight to his body lifted me up off the floor we hungered for this kiss. This kiss which in my head was so romantic but in reality was so indescribable. He stopped suddenly and quickly moved away. The door opened.

I swallowed deep and quickly sorted any miss placed hair and crinkles to my shirt before Beth could see. 'Hey Beth' I said now back to normal but sitting at the desk whilst my legs weren't working.

'Hey Buffy you ok?' I couldn't be assed with her the thoughts of what she may of done came back. She could of made the last ten minuets so hard for me telling angel and all .

'fine thanks ' I brought her attention to angel in the corner of the room looking perfect and model like as ever.

'oh Liam didn't see you there' she said in a embarrassed little school girl way.

'its ok ill see you ladies later, Buffy tomorrow yeah?' I agreed …didn't have a clue what to but never the less . the bell rang finally the school day was over.

Its fair to say one of the best days of my life but could it all change only time could tell.

Chapter 7 might take a while to get together but it should be up PLEASE REVIEW it great to hear what people think and it makes me want to write more

Im sorry it took so long to get to the good bits but you know gunna do something do it right first


	7. Hiding and Leaving

**Hiding and Leaving**

When I got home I hadn't been in longer than ten minutes and my phone went. It was Beth

'Hey Buffy you alright?' she said _oh great that's all I need_.

It was clear why she was calling but never the less I humored her and waited till of course she asked about what was going on in study hall.

'So Buffy ….'She paused, it was clear she didn't have any idea how to ask the burning questions she had. 'What was going on in study hall? How come you where with angel? I thought you would have gone to see Mr. Giles.

'Erm' what do I say to this I thought to myself. I wanted to tell her the truth although it would hurt her it would serve her self right due to the insinuation about my feelings towards Angel she had to put out, I was there pondering my thought until I was brought back by her annoying 'Buffy you still there'

'Yeah sorry just saw something on the TV drifted off' finally something to side track her she was bond to ask what.

'Yeah so anyways Buffy, what happened then ' _for the love of grrr_

'Nothing really we just spoke about something's mainly school work and what people want from him.'

'Which people actually I don't care did you say anything about me? You know what I asked when we where in science?' oh if only I could be as devious as her …no such luck I thought.

'No I don't think you came up in the conversation……no wait yes you did. Beth when did you talk to angel last? And what was it about?'

I thought back to study hall if anything I wanted to thanks Beth so much even thought I should be stir crazy at her.

'Well erm I duno cant remember some stuff about girls who like him and I think which class we have next' she sounded confused and as if she had been trapped 'why do you ask B'

'Angel asked if I was into him you know if I was one of the …..'

'oi the what B'

'Crazy fan girls'

'Great im a crazy fan girl now'

'Yeah sounds about right' I said

'Anyways thats not important what did you say to him when he asked you if you liked him?' she sounded interested but also trying to hide hurt._Dam it what the hell was I going to do or say now._

'Not a lot I went quite and he thought it was true then we argued a bit' so far that was true

'And what else, I mean after all he seems ok with you now, what was he on about tomorrow for?'

_Crap crap crap_

'Oh its nothing he just wants some help in chemistry' in my head all I could do was laugh at my sudden cover up. I just hope she didn't see though it.

'Did I mention I need help in chemistry B?' unbelievable if only this couldn't get any worse I thought.

'Yeah sure you do Beth' a hint of sarcasm escaped.

'Well he doesn't know that I understand the material' she sounded hope full I felt awful.

'I don't know ill ask him' O my chocolate bunnies why did I say that.

'Well he didn't make it a private thing did he, just you and him like erm…a study….date' she sighed I could feel her pain I would of hated it if I was her but what could I do.

'no course not he is with Cordy after all im sure he just wants to cover some balancing equations twenty mins tops and we will be done.' I hoped that was enough to stop her for a while.

'Come on please Buffy its not like it's a huge deal after all , I mean you did say you didn't think it was a date or any type of pick up'

'I….' she stopped me 'plus he is with Corzilla so even if you thought you could have a date he wouldn't get with you, your not you know his type' could sense a bitchyness to that comment _what the hell. did she just rip me or am I reading in to that way to much?_ I thought

'What?' trying to sound calm but it was clear when she spoke that what I thought was what she was implying?

'Oh it doesn't matter forget it' I could feel my hand holding the phone with such a grip that I almost crumpled it I was so pissed.

'For the love of Whedon it's not me who has gone all ga ga over the guy.' I snapped

She tried to talk but I stopped her before she could try and spit any venom, the anger from before was coming back.

'its right I wouldn't stand a chance with him but neather will you now that you tried to imply I was interested in him he didn't take to that very well and thought it was a childish act, once he got over the thought I was interested'

'oh right sure'

'oh and just for the record I said that I wasnt interested or that I couldn't be because a close _mate_ of mine was interested and it wouldn't be fair' ok the last part was a lie but I didn't care I wanted to hurt her or at least feel bad.I know I know I'm a bitch do you blame me.

'You did honestly?' she sounded normal now and shocked

'Yes' I snapped automatically regretting it.

I heard my mom shout me

'Hang on mum ill be right there' I yelled

'Beth I have to go mum wants me for something ill see you tomorrow if we can get over this Ang…Liam thing ok …. Deal?' crap almost called him angel

BUFFY!! Mom bellowed

'Deal see you tomorrow'

Click my phone went dead I flipped it shut and put it in my jeans pocket and darted for down stairs.

I woke up in such a state this morning it was unbelievable, after last night with Beth and then my mom going crazy about me losing a pair of her favorite earrings. I went on a rampage basically hunting vampires not patrolling for them. Xander and Willow came with but they slowed me down and all most not them selves killed. I hated it when they wanted to come with me it always made me worry I hated the idea of them getting hurt. Luckily nothing to serous well at least for them, me on the other hand was aching from fighting six vamps and having no stakes, yeah well it was clear to say I was screwed I ended up dusting them with a white picket fence.

I checked my arm for any questionable bruises or cuts, I was all clear so I decided to wear my new short sleeve cute white blouse blue jeans and straiten my hair pulling it back with a clip allowing it to be both up and down. I took a quick glance in the mirror _I hope this doesn't look like im trying to hard_

I took out my compact and make up and decided to give me some color after I was all clear to go I grabbed my bag and made a run for the door.

Classes went really slow and I couldn't see Angel any where. Where was he even Cordy hadn't seen him or heard from him scene last night or at least I think that's who she was talking about to her followers. I thought I was an idiot I mean what exactly did I think was going to happen? I knew he was with Cordy and knew that I wasn't the type of girl he would usually go for so there was no way that this would of worked..Right? So I was worked up over nothing. Never the less it bugged me all the way to lunch.

The bell rang and I just couldn't bring my self to face Beth luckily I had a energy bar in my bag so I made us of that I didn't feel all that hungry . I went to wonder the corridors. All of a sudden all I could hear was a female yelling so loud it was head to understand what was really being said besides from the how could you!!. I went closer to find out who it was and what was going on.

_Oh my god its Cordy_ I hid be hide the closet wall. Angel was back looking rather smug even thought he was being yelled at.

'Core it no big deal ok'

'No big deal' she repeated this quite a few time before he finally cut her off saying yeah its not big deal

'Look I'm tired of all this I'm sick of being and doing what others what me to be or do'

'Yeah well you have to if you're going to be with me'

'That can be sorted cant it' his voice was low but dark

'What's that so post to mean Liam?' she sounded stern and as if she was still in control to where is was heading. But she wasn't.

'Read in to it Core if you think that I'm really that way and that I would have to have you , you couldn't be more wrong' chills went down my spine he sounded so angry.

'It's your loss if that's what you want' again sounding as if she was in charge.

I could suddenly feel butterflies in my stomach where they about to break up? Did she know about yesterday? If so how? Did Beth say something?

They both walked off in separate directions Angel was coming my way.

_Oh crap erm think quick I _looked around nothing not even something to jump and hold on to_ grrr._

I turned away to make it look like I was walking down. Cordila was gone now. With one swift motion he walked past grabbing my hand and pulling me into the drama room.

'Wow hey'I said startled. His hand was warm and soft.

'What don't you remember what I asked you yesterday'

'Well in all fairness it wasn't a ask, I don't even know what you wanted' I was so taken a back I was saying anything he was close to me are faces where not so far apart I could smell his sweet breath and the gel in hair he was watching me his eyes looked soft and welcoming. Which is odd considering

'Come on Buffy' he walked me out of drama making sure no one saw us and walked out of school.

'Where are we going?' I couldn't believe this what the hell was happening only a minute ago he was practically ready to kill and now he was all anxious but not so deadly.

'You'll see' his tone was sweet as we carried on walking.

Ok people sorry its sort but I don't know how to make that longer with out boring you with clothes and make up and boring long phone convo's sorry I don't write much about willow and Xander or Giles it just at the moment this focuses around Buffy angel and Cordy and I guess Beth now (which btw Beth is from moonlight when she was a teenager – I love Beth in moonlight but I needed some one in this who may cause Buffy compertion.)

Reviews would be nice people and tell friends if you like this the next part gets better promise.


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